DARVO

What it is

A four-step reversal: Deny the behavior, Attack the person raising it, then Reverse Victim and Offender so they become the wounded party.

Sounds like

• "I didn't do that — and honestly, I can't believe you'd accuse me."
• "After everything I do for you, this is what I get?"
• "You're the one hurting me right now."

Why it works

It hijacks the conversation. Instead of addressing what they did, you spend the next hour proving you're not cruel, ungrateful, or crazy for bringing it up.

What it does to you

You stop raising concerns because raising them costs more than swallowing them. The original issue is never resolved — it's buried under your apology.

Pattern check

• —Do your concerns end with you comforting them?
• —Have you stopped bringing things up because it 'isn't worth it'?
• —Do they escalate faster than you can finish a sentence?